Dreamin’ Arizona

(My husband has said, “If there is such a thing as reincarnation, please, PLEASE don’t let me come back as an Arizona cow.”)


“Moo. Moo? What’s going on? Why am I mooing?”
“You’re a cow, that’s why.”
“A cow! How did I get to be a cow? I was a human last time I looked.”
“Look down.”
“Argh! Hooves! What happened to my arms? My hands? How am I supposed to eat?”
“With your mouth, like this.”
“You’re kidding! By the way, eat what? I can’t see anything to eat.”
“Way over there, a couple hundred feet, there are a few blades of grass.”
“You’re kidding! I gotta walk all the way over there for that? Where am I, anyway?”
“Southern Arizona, just south of Casa Grande.”
“And all that’s here for me to eat are those few bits of grass? Come on. How am I supposed to live on that?”
“Ha! Just be thankful you’re not in the Mohave desert.”
“Because there’s nothing there. Nothing at all. Just cactus and Joshua trees, and not many of them. This is paradise compared to the Mohave.”
“You’re kidding!”
“This grass isn’t very tasty. What’s this plant taste like?”
“No, don’t touch that, that’s a cholla. Oh, now you’ve done it. You’ve got cholla all over you.”
“Ouch! They hurt. I’ll just rub against these sticks to get rid of them.”
“No, not that. That’s ocotillo. It has thorns.”
“Ouch! Ouch! Does everything around here have thorns?”
“Warned ya’. Yep, mostly. Uh-oh.”
“Now what?”
“You see Butch over there?”
“Who? What? That bull?”
“Yep. He runs this place.”
“He likes newcomers.”
“Whaddaya mean – newcomers?”
“He gives every newcomer his special welcome. Okay, like, I’m outta here. Hasta proxima.”
“Wait! Whaddaya mean, ‘special welcome?’ Why is he looking at me that way? Oh, ah, hi Butch. No wait, I’m not a cow. No, really. I’m actually a human. Why are you going behind me? ARGH! No, no, no! Moo! MOO! MOOOOO!”

 * * *

“Wake up, dear. Wake up!”
“What! What?”
“You were mooing like a cow.”
“I was?”
“You must have been dreaming. What were you dreaming about?”
“Ah, nothing that I remember. You know how cows, er, dreams are.”

#Humour #Fiction #Dreams #OurBull’sLooseInTown #MargaretGHanna

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